The Voyaging Storyteller

Humans were created to be loved, so naturally the question of whether someone loves you is often wrestled with. Today being Valentine’s Day and all, I thought it an appropriate time to answer that question. Hint: love isn’t measured by roses, hugs, kisses, or boxes of chocolate (especially not chocolate, because there are people – me, for example – who detest it.)

(Roses, on the other hand, especially ones with raindrops on them, are quite lovely.)

Disclaimer: If you’re a Greek geek who’s currently wondering if I’m going to talk about all five types of love, I’m not. For the purposes of this post, I’ll be centering on agape love, which is arguably the best type.

Clue #1. Someone loves you if…They Died For You.

This is so obvious, I think it’s more of a fact than a clue. As the verse goes, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

If you think this is irrelevant because no one has died for you and no one probably will, think again. Jesus, the Son of God, died for YOU over two thousand years ago. Thousands of soldiers die for YOU every year. Millions of cells in your body die for YOU every second.

Voilà. L’affaire est close. (The language of love – and one of my favourites – was bound to show up at some point.)

Clue #2. Someone loves you if…They’re Not Jealous.

Storytime: let’s say a gentleman (dude) loves a certain lady (girl.) Then he sees her attend a ball (party) with another gentleman (dude.) Then he erupts in jealous passion as he rips out his sword (squares up) and challenges that gentleman/dude to a duel (wrestling match/thumb-war/rock-paper-scissors) #totally not referencing any piece of classic literature #the times have not really changed

Did the gentleman really love the lady? Did the dude really love the girl?

Non, pas du tout. Nope, not at all.

Because if he did love her, he would want her to be happy with whomever she chose, even if it wasn’t him. (Obviously the genders can be switched.)

Clue #3: Someone loves you if…They Don’t Keep Track of Favours/Wrongs

I confess I’ve been guilty of this with my brother. Whenever I do something nice for Micah, things like hanging up his goggles and cap after swim practice or doing the dishes for him, it’s tempting for me to mentally keep track of those favours to remind him of them whenever I want him to do something for me. But that defeats the whole point of a favour, and it’s certainly not loving. The same is true when I bring up past offences to guilt him into doing something for me.

If I truly love Micah, I will want to do nice things for him regardless of whether he does the same for me. If I truly love Micah, I will forgive him.

This hints at the next clue…

Clue #4. Someone loves you if…They’re Selfless

They’re not in the relationship for your money, your fame, or even, tempting as it may be, your books. It sounds cheesy – feel free to cringe – but they love you for YOU, for those special things that are unique to YOU (just to be safe, I’m not talking about fingerprints and DNA, but things like your faith, your character, your cheerfulness, that cute, systematic way you eat pizza, the crinkling of your eyes as you laugh…ok, I’ll stop now.)

They don’t love you because they gain something from it. They love you because they can.

Best example: God. Last time I checked, He doesn’t have anything to gain from loving someone worthless like me, but He does anyway and gives me my worth, because He is Love.

Because He can. (I realize because-he-can sounds like a rather weak reason, but I couldn’t think of a better, more concise way to capture the essence, so voilà.)

Clue #5: Someone loves you if…They Choose To

What I mean by this is that, contrary to popular belief, true love is not a feeling. Feelings don’t last forever; on the contrary, they change often. That bubbling fountain of joy and ‘love’ found in weddings will predictably morph into frustration and anger. That sparkling delight and ‘love’ found when parents welcome their child into the world will predictably morph into frustration and anger.

Without true love, these relationships will crumble at best and be destroyed at worst. But true love, the decision to stick together in hard times even when you don’t feel loving, will last forever.

Because love is a choice.